Cody woke up late the next day, having decided to take advantage of one of the few benefits of being unemployed. By the time that he’d gotten off the couch, turned off the TV, and used the bathroom, its was already about a quarter past three. Sighing, Cody made his way over to the computer, figuring that he’d better not waste any more time when he could be looking for a job.

           Opening up Internet Explorer, he decided to start his search on Monster.com. Upon entering the address into his search bar and inputting his location into the website, Cody was faced with a long list of (mostly shit) positions within a 50-mile radius that we’re hiring. Cody made his way down the list, hoping to find a position that would offer at least a few dollars above minimum wage. Mentally, he made a note to himself to avoid positions in food service for the time being.

           A position in a slaughterhouse momentarily caught his eye due to offering $11.50 an hour, but he quickly decided he didn’t have the mental fortitude to take on that kind of job. Instead, Cody turned his attention to a warehouse position at Hubbard’s, a furniture store located downtown. They were only offering $9.50 an hour, but it seemed to be far better suited toward his abilities as a worker.

           Cody opened Outlook and had just finished typing in the employer’s email address when it occurred to him that he should probably update his resume before sending it out. Sure, he’d only been at Burger King four months before getting sacked, but he figured the more stuff he had on it, the more impressive it would look. Cody minimized the Outlook window and opened up the File Explorer, navigating through his haphazardly organized documents folder before coming to a file labeled “CodyHResumeFeb07.rtf” Cody double-clicked on the document, opening it up in a new instance of Word.

           Cody’s resume was unassuming enough, mainly since Mike had directed him to a business major friend of his who’d agreed to help spruce it up in exchange for a small fee. Cody had to admit that the guy had done a heck of a job at it too, especially when considering the number of prospective employers who hadn’t realized that “Outdoor Structure Technician” essentially just meant “Guy that puts up tents”.  Unfortunately, Cody was pretty sure that guy had left town to attend university somewhere else, leaving it up to him to find a way to make “Burger King Fry Cook” sound good.

           Cody clicked on the space below his tent job and hit enter to make space for the new entry. For a small eternity, he stared at the blank space as he struggled to find the right words to use. Eventually, he settled on putting down “Grill & Fryer Operator”, figuring that it sounded at least a little more sophisticated than “Fry Cook”. After adding on the obligatory bullet-pointed list of vaguely-defined skills he learned from the position, Cody saved the file, renaming it “CodyHResumeAug07.rtf”

           With the necessary changes now made, Cody attached the resume to the email and, after typing out a brief introduction, sent it off to the employer. Cody briefly exhaled with a vague satisfaction before returning to his web browser to look for more positions. Within an hour, Cody had managed to apply for another two positions, one as a fuel pump attendant at a gas station on the outskirts of town, and a janitorial position at a Wal-Mart.

           Figuring that three applications sent was enough to warrant a break, Cody got up from the computer chair and turned on the TV, hoping to relax a little. After a few minutes of idle channel surfing however, Cody still couldn’t get his mind off finding work. As second after second went by of him sitting in front of the TV he just felt guiltier and guiltier about the lack of work he was accomplishing. Seeing no reason to continue wasting his time doing something he wasn’t even enjoying, Cody switched the TV off and began trying to think of something that at least felt productive.

           Cody glanced at the old dresser that his TV was resting on and was suddenly struck with an idea, while he still had enough cash in the bank to cover rent and food for another month, Cody figured it would probably be a good idea to set some things aside to pawn off in case things started to get really dire. Fortunately, Cody had accumulated a fair number of DVDs over the past few that could serve that purpose well enough. As he crouched down in front of the dresser, he bitterly thought to himself that if he’d added up the total amount he’d spent on them, he’d probably have enough to pay off his debt.

           Cody opened one of the drawers and pulled out a DVD at random. The Twilight Samurai. He actually still hadn’t found the time to watch it, so he put it back in the drawer and took out another DVD, mentally making a note to himself to watch it sometime.

           The Fountain, on the other hand, was one he had seen before, and found so underwhelming he knew right from the credits that there was little chance of him watching it again. Cody set the case down on the floor beside him, hoping to make a stack of everything he’d be fine with selling off.

           Within the next half an hour, the “Sell” pile grew substantially as Cody was faced with a large collection of impulse purchases that had long since lost their luster (Titles included: Putney Swope, American Graffiti, Forbidden Zone, Tombstone, Once Upon a Time in America, Before Sunrise) He was in the middle of trying to decide if he’d ever want to watch Brain Damage again when his phone went off, the tiny device emitting a tinny MIDI version of “Float On” as he checked to see who was calling.          

           Cody looked at the phone’s outer screen and found, to his displeasure, that it was his mother calling. Panic fluttered within him briefly before he calmed himself, reasoning that there was no way she could’ve found out about his firing without him knowing. Still, it was important she didn’t sense something wrong and start digging deeper, so Cody took a few deep breaths to calm himself before answering the phone as enthusiastically as he could.

           “Mom! How are ya?”

           There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line before Cody’s mother replied. “Are you at work?”

           ‘Yeah,” Cody lied. “You just uh, caught me in the bathroom. What’s going on?”

           Another pause, then a reply. “Oh, I just saw something had happened at your work on the news and wanted to make sure you were OK.”

           Cody’s face faltered, but he managed not to let any concern bleed through into his voice. ”Oh yeah? What happened?”

           “Oh, it was awful. Some poor kid had to get rushed to the hospital cause his hand fell into the deep fryer.” Though the phone’s signal was fuzzy, the concern was still apparent in her voice.

           “Oh yeah, I’d heard about that.” Cody said, playing dumb, before adding “I wasn’t on shift when it happened, but still, when something like that happens in the place you work, it…” Cody thought his next words over for a moment. “It really messes with you, y’know?”

           Cody’s mother agreed. “I‘d imagine, and that’s not even the worst of it.”

           “What do you mean?”

           “Well, the news report had said that the only reason his arm ended up going in was because one of his co-workers pushed him over during a fight or something.”

           Cody mentally cursed. The thought that Jeff may have gone to the news to smear his name crossed his mind, but going off the way his mother was speaking, it sounded like no names were named in the story, so he quickly discarded that idea. “Wow, that’s crazy.”

           “I know, to think that some people are capable of doing that to another person, even accidentally.”

           “I’m sure it was an accident.” Cody reassured his mother, hoping his light defense of the assailant wouldn’t arouse any suspicions.

           Cody’s mother sighed on the other end of the line. “You can only hope so. Anyways, I just wanted to call to make sure you were safe. I should probably get going. I’m sure your boss wouldn’t approve of you chatting too long while you’re still on the clock.

           Cody weakly smiled. “You’re right, he wouldn’t.”

           “I’ll talk to you again later. I love you.”

           “I love you too.” Cody replied, before hanging the phone up and letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. As relieved as he was that his mother still didn’t know he’d been fired, he really didn’t like having to lie to her like that.  The idea of continuing to fuck about with his DVD collection while she thought he was at work left a sour taste in his mouth, so Cody decided to let it be for the moment and return to job hunting.

           Sitting back down at his computer, Cody continued his search for employment. He was just about to look into a position installing fences for a landscaping company when his phone went off once again. “Fucks sake, what now?” Cody muttered to himself as he took his phone out of his pocket, his tension only slightly alleviated upon seeing it was Mike calling. Cody answered the phone. “What do you want? I’m busy.”

           If Mike could sense the annoyance in Cody’s voice, it certainly didn’t show. “Dude, you’re fucking blowing up!” he exclaimed, his excitement apparent.

           Cody furrowed his brow in confusion. “What are you talking about?” he asked, quietly hoping that whatever it was didn’t have anything to do with the news report.

           “That voicemail you sent last night.” Mike explained. “I put it up on YouTube.”

           “Are you fucking kidding me?”

           “No dude, I had to put it up. That shit was hilarious!”

           Allowing himself to get sidetracked momentarily, Cody opened up a new tab in his browser and entered YouTube into the address bar. “Christ, you at least mind telling me what you called it so I can see for myself how big an ass you made of me?”

           “Just search for “Drunk Critic”, it should show right up.”

           Cody followed Mike’s lead, bitterly complaining all the while. “I swear to god, as if I’m not already dealing with enough shit this week, now you’ve gotta go and…”

           Cody’s voice tapered off as his brain took a moment to process what he was seeing on screen. The top result for Cody’s search was a video uploaded earlier that morning titled “DRUNK CRITIC REVIEWS: JASON IN SPACE”.  The thumbnail beside the title displayed a default Windows Movie Maker slide with some unintelligible text placed atop it in ariel. Despite the videos slapdash production quality, it was doing quite well, having already accumulated over 6,000 views with a ranting of just under 4 stars. After a moment of stunned silence, Cody said the only thing he could think of.

           “Holy shit.”

           “I know, right?” Mike laughed. “At this rate, we might end up making the front page!”

           Investigating further, Cody clicked on the video. Once it had loaded, Cody was treated to a recording of his voicemail from the previous night, sloppily transcribed via slideshow by Mike. A message written in the description read “bud got plastered last nite and sent this @ like 2am. text is my best guess @ what hes saying.".

“You just uploaded this today?” Cody asked.

“Yep.” Mike said, proudly. “I sent it to a few buds of mine and I guess it just sort of spread from there.”

Unable to contain his curiosity any further, Cody scrolled down to the comments section expecting the worst but found the general public’s consensus to be surprisingly positive, all things considered.

SkindredFan37 (10 Minutes Ago)

I have to hand it to him, it takes effort to review a movie while drifting in and out of consciousness.

SparklyDewz (22 Minutes Ago)

wtf is this guy going on about lmao

xcloudx (30 Minutes Ago)

in all fairness, getting that drunk is about the only way you can tolerate that movie.

FREELENS (45 Minutes Ago)

whys this dude find the black guy dying so funny??

           As he read through the comments, Cody could feel the seed of an idea begin to take hold in his brain. It was as if suddenly a whole new path for his life was being paved right in front of him. Like it or not, 6,000 views in less than 12 hours was no small feat, and frankly, it was the closest Cody had gotten to any sort of fame at all in his life, and the thought of it being Cody’s only chance at making a name for himself scared him more than he’d like to admit.

           After a few moments more consideration, Cody had made up his mind. Now all that was left was to see if Mike would be on board. Mentally preparing himself for disappointment, Cody asked.

           “Do you want to make another one?”